Posted in #MyMightyMonth, Complex Regional Pain Syndrome / Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy, Gastroparesis

Day 4 of 30

Cute TurtleWow, this is a whole lot harder than I thought it would be.  It’s day four of this thirty-day journaling challenge and I’m already wanting to quit.  I’m wanting to crawl back into my shell where I feel safe and protected from the world.  I’ve never done anything like this before and it’s scary.  I realize I don’t have to share my thoughts with the world, but something inside is telling me I need to.  This little voice is telling me that I need to help bring awareness to CRPS and gastroparesis… that the only way we can help change the world is by sharing our stories… our good days and our not so good days… our successes and failures… our lives.  Why do I feel like I have to hide my pain, my nausea, my nonstop vomiting. I can’t control any of it. I’ve not done anything to cause it. CRPS and gastroparesis are just as much a part of my life as breathing. I’ve kept it all hidden away for so long.  I convinced myself that people didn’t want to hear it, but now I’m sharing it and don’t really know why…and with strangers at that.  I don’t think I’ve gone crazy… have I?

Personal Prompt: Name five things you are proud of, and five things you are not so proud of.

Hmmm…this is a hard one.  I’ve always been taught that pride goes before a fall and we aren’t supposed to be proud.  However, I must start by saying I’m proud of my family.  I’m so thankful to be part of such an amazing family.  No matter what we face in life, we stick together and help one another.  I’m also thankful that my family taught me perseverance and courage.  I’m proud that despite what I have gone through I’ve not given up.  Although I’m not physically able to hold down a job because of CRPS and gastroparesis, I did manage to finish high school and college.  I’m also proud of my blog.  I’m thankful that I’ve started this journey and that I’m being open and honest with my writing.  It’s difficult to write my true feelings and put them out there for the whole world to read.  I’m proud of my fellow chronically ill bloggers for being willing to share their stories and be encouragement to others following the path they are on.  You all inspire me and make me want to try harder to be an inspiration a beacon of light for those following behind me.  I’m also proud of those in the medical field who are willing to think outside the box and try to find ways to make life better for those of us living with chronic illnesses.

There’s really only one thing I can think of that I’m really not proud of and I’ve shared that previously on my blog. I realize that I’m hiding behind a fake smile and saying I’m okay when I’m really not. Maybe that is what this thirty-day journaling is about. Maybe it’s about finding myself and accepting who I am. Maybe it’s about accepting my differences as okay… as something I don’t have to run and hide from. Maybe it’s about being me and allowing people to see more than that smile that I hide behind.  CRPS and gastroparesis has changed my life, but it’s still my life and I’m going to make the most of it.  With God on my side, there’s nothing I can’t do.  I’m proud to call Him my Father!

Creative Prompt: Plan your dream vacation. (Where are you going?  Who is coming?  what are you doing?)

Two TreesOkay, this is an easy one.  My dream vacation would have to be a camping trip.  I would take any of my family who would like to go.  We would hike through the forest and find the perfect camping spot.  Once we found the perfect a pot, we would set up our tents and put out luggage and bedding in them.  We would then gather wood and build a campfire.  We would sit around the fire and cook our food.  Then we would sing songs and tell stories until it got late.  Then we would climb in our tents and go to bed.  In the morning, we would cook breakfast over the campfire.  Then we would spend the day together exploring the great outdoors.  We would hike through the woods and swim in the nearby lake.  we would enjoy our time together as family unplugged from the world and all its chaos.  No phones, no internet…just us and nature.  I can almost hear the gurgling of the nearby creek…the birds tweeting…the wind blowing gently through the trees…how relaxing.



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